Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
