You're so nebulous sometimes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
