Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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