Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
