So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
