Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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