my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish there were birth control emojis
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
