i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
