my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
There's even glitter on my cock...
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