If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im holly from the hills drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
