I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
