Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
