just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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