Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Two words: blizzard sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
