When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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