adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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