Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
