I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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