That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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