My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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