Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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