The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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