I'm really into asian looking animals
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
