The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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