the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
