TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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