she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
