I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Someone signed my nipple.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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