Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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