Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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