Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
