WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
