every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
