someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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