i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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