She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
