It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
