holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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