take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
