capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
