I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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