Your dad touched me again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
