i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
