There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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