Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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