I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
