She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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