If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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