Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
