quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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