come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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