There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
