and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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