Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
