So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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