i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
